Silence

[For Luke Sly 11-23-16]

[Trigger Warning: Suicide]

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Author’s note: This was written for a friend/friend of a friend who committed suicide. It’s written partly in the POV of someone who is considering suicide. This is a very dark poem. If suicide/suicidal ideation is a trigger for you, please avoid this poem.

 

Come back! Please! You can’t be gone!

We need you!

And the little one cried in the corner.

 

I can’t hear you anymore. All I have is silence.

The silence I need. Escape from the voices.

They never really stopped. No one ever really knew.

All the things I’ve done, places I’ve been--

So much NOISE. So many memories...

So much Darkness. Never any rest.

I just wanted silence. I just wanted peace.

 

You can pound on my chest, breathe air in my lungs.

Try to stop the blood.

While the little one cries in the corner.

 

I can’t feel you anymore. All I have is silence.

The silence I need. Escape from the pain.

I tried all the vices. Nothing ever worked.

Couldn’t numb the hatred, the no-goods, the fear

From so many voices: my own. Theirs. No one’s.

So many emotions. Never any joy.

I just wanted silence. I just wanted peace.

 

I can see you call my name.      Silence.

I see tears fall.                           Silence.

Falling from so many eyes.

I didn’t know--                           Silence

Couldn’t hear you then.            Silence.

I can’t hear you now

In this silence.

 

Suicide.

 

In the silence of a thousand years

Yet like one day in My sight

My child, I’ll hold you till the voices fade

And you can hear My voice again.

I’ll hold you close while you rest

I’ll dry their tears so when you wake

You’ll see the love they held for you

And you can wait with Me 

In peace and rest, and love

But not in silence.

 

Selah.